dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
