Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
