Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
