i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
