Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
