i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
