Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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