So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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