Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
