oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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