as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
