You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
