so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
