john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
