i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize