I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
