How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
