after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
