no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
