Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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