he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
