apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize