3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
