Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
