I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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