he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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