I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
nutella sex= disaster
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize