I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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