the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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