i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
