went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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