I hate all girls vehemently.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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