You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
