I showed him my bush... on skype.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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