It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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