At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
