If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
