you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
