Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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