i jhust puked up my retainher.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
