How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
