There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize