I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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