Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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