You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
