i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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