i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
