there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
