they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
