Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
only you would photoshop your dick
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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