She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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