it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
