this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
