Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
