honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
