Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
This is the high leading the old right now
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
