cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize