oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
