Apparently you make a good broom.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
