I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
