Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
