I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
