Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
