ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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