His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
