Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
