I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
